In the Beginning: Get Well Informed

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had absolutely no experience with a baby. In fact, I had never even held a baby. Needless to say, I knew even less about being pregnant. Sure I read the popular book about expecting a baby but I must not have read it cover to cover because I was very poorly informed about the actual labor, delivery and postpartum experiences.

Even though every birthing experience is different for every woman and every child born, it's helpful to know what to expect from the labor, delivery and postpartum. Understanding accurate information about what you body will be going through before, during and after having your baby is key. Most importantly, you have to listen to the information with the understanding that your delivery may be different but there are commonalities in most births.

So, what do you really need to know? First, find a friend, relative or physician that you feel comfortable talking to about the details the books don't tell you. Then start asking questions.

The answers may scare you or confound you but most importantly, they should inform you. Discuss what you hear with your husband or doctor so that when it comes time for your baby's birth you are well informed and well prepared.

In the Beginning: Find Help

While discussing Momtourage with a friend the other day, she relayed the following story to me and I want to share it with you.

She noticed her new neighbor, who was also a new mom, seemed to always have a baby sitter at the house during the day while she went out. My friend assumed that this new mom wasn't ready to take on motherhood and continued to live her pre-baby lifestyle. At a bible study they both attend, my friend inquired as to whether this new mom was working and that is why she had so many babysitters. Instead, the new mom looked at her, with tears in her eyes, and said, "My husband works so much and travels all of the time and I don't have a network of friends yet, it's the only thing I can do to keep my sanity." At that, my friend was heartbroken that she had thought the worst when really all this new mom needed was someone to talk to or watch the baby for a little bit.

This is such a familiar story for new moms but, this woman at least helped herself by hiring someone who could help her. When you don't have an established network or relatives who can help you with your children, it's time to pay for some help. Consider what things have become very difficult for you to keep up with and resort to hiring someone to help you. Need to get out, hire a babysitter. The house is a disaster, hire a housekeeper once in a while. It's too hard to get a healthy meal ready for dinner, see how the grocery store can help you. The help is there and you need to find it; whether it's free or paid for.

By the way, those of you without children, think about how you can help a new mom. You never know how you could really be a blessing.

In the Beginning: Find Help

Mothering is a very rewarding job however, it can also be a very lonely job. Creating a network of people is the best way for expectant moms to find help and support but, not all expectant moms have a network.

When I was eight months pregnant with my first child my husband and I moved to a new location far away from anyone we knew. Luckily his job provided an instant network but, as with any new group of people, it takes time to get to know each other. By the time our baby was born, we had developed a small but great support network.

There are many reasons that expectant moms may not have support networks: they have moved recently, are shy, don't know how to meet people, and others. More importantly there are so many reasons why expectant moms need support networks. Here are just a few ideas of support networks can help you.

Child care: for date night, a night out with your friends, referrals for daycares/preschools, when you have the flu and your husband is traveling (I am speaking from experience)

Playgroups: great way for parents to interact and children to socialize, learn things from other moms, share experiences, provide help in times of need, support

Hobbies: get out of the house and let dad spend time with your baby, focus on something of interest to you, meet new people

Work (even part-time): talk with other adults, use your brain power, meet new people, earn some spending money

Church or other Spiritual House: provide help in times of need or counseling, peace, meet new people, provide classes usually with childcare, support

Expectant moms really don't know what kind of help they will until their baby actually arrives and then they are so busy with their new baby that it is difficult to find or start a network. If you know a new mom, introduce her to a network of people who could support her. Or, if you are expecting, it's time to start building your support network now. You may have to step outside of your comfort zone but every mom needs all of the support she can get.